Lust Suffers Not At All On Valentine's Day
by Laura Louise Hile
For Myretta with heartfelt thanks, for all you do for all of us at The Republic of Pemberely.

Ah, Valentine's Day. The one day of the year that the small, the poor, and the plain--oops! That's Jane Eyre, not Jane Austen!--can expect that someone will, in an instant, recognize their merit as a lover! And so we take this opportunity, on a day dedicated to Love, to offer up this sweet tale of the passion felt by two of Jane's more overlooked lovers.

The light wind which ruffled the sea off of the coast of Lyme cheered the spirits of all of the party who had come from Uppercross. The air had a delightful salty tang; the sun was bright, and the sky was clear. The knowledge that winter weather would soon be upon them made such a glorious November day especially enjoyable. Charles Musgrove, his wife and sisters, together with Captains Wentworth and Benwick, and Miss Anne Elliot had been making their way along the top of the Cobb, enjoying the view of the sparkling water and blue sky. This was to be their last walk together by the sea before heading for home. All wanted to make the most of it -- especially Captain Benwick, who was greatly regretting the impending departure of one of the guests.

On the previous evening Benwick had found the company of Anne Elliot to be singularly delightful. He was eager to further his acquaintance with her, but this morning his lovely friend was clearly quite distracted. She kept casting rather longing looks in the direction of his handsome friend, Captain Frederick Wentworth. Wentworth was occupied with escorting Miss Louisa Musgrove across the uneven surface of the sea wall, but it did not seem to Benwick that her animated conversation was holding his attention, for the captain kept glancing back over his shoulder at Miss Elliot. Benwick sighed. Things did not look well for him!

At last the entire company halted to take in the scene before them. Anne Elliot politely disengaged herself from her conversation with Captain Benwick and moved some distance from the group. She stood alone, with her gaze fixed on the lonely horizon. Frederick Wentworth soon joined her. At first, few words were said by each to the other, but it was not long before the two of them became involved in an earnest discussion.

Benwick looked on and sighed some more. It appeared his pain-filled, bruised, and lonely heart was about to be broken once again. "What a bummer!" he muttered, and he kicked at a rock on the Cobb. He watched as Captain Wentworth took one of Anne's hands in his and continued to speak seriously. She seemed to be very interested in whatever it was he had to say.

Benwick thrust his own hands into his pockets and turned away sadly. As he did, he noticed that another member of the group was also standing by herself. The poor girl had a forlorn, woebegone expression on her young face and she looked as if she were bravely trying not to cry. She took out her handkerchief and began to dab at her eyes. Captain Benwick's sympathetic heart went out to her and he made his way to her side.

"Miss Musgrove, is something wrong?" he asked her gently.

"Oh ... no," she replied, as she looked longingly at the pair, who were standing quite close together by now. "It's only that I ..." Louisa Musgrove hung her head. She dabbed at her eyes again.

"Yes," he said softly, following her gaze. He had assumed this pretty young woman to be Wentworth's fiancee; he now saw that he had been mistaken. "I quite understand what you are feeling, Miss Musgrove. I, myself, was hoping that Miss Elliot ... but ... she obviously prefers ..."

He could not continue, as he began to be overcome by his own overwrought emotions. Benwick and Louisa stood side by side for some time without speaking, each sniffing pathetically into their hanky.

Louisa broke the silence first. "Do you know, Captain," she said, in a halting voice, " my youngest sister Arabella would say that we ... that we would need a ... a 'Barney Hug' ... right now. What do you think?" Benwick looked at her in surprise. "You know," she explained, "Barney? The ... big purple dinosaur?"

"The dino-saur?" he repeated, perplexed. He turned the word over in his mind for a few moments. "Ah! Deinos - Sauros! Greek, I believe, meaning, ah, 'Monstrous' or 'Terrible ... Lizard!' But ..." he whispered, with a tiny smile, "I don't believe they've been discovered quite yet, Miss Louisa. This is only 1814, you know."

"Of course, how silly of me!" Louisa blinked. "I wonder how Arabella found out about Barney? We do not have a television."

"Perhaps at www.pbs.org/kids?" Benwick murmured. "No, no Miss Louisa," he hastened to add, as he saw an incredulous expression form on her face. "We must never deny the existence of the web, you know, or we may find ourselves without Love Suffers Long and is Kind! And then we would again be relegated to the role of minor characters! But I digress. Please, tell me about the Lizar- uh, I mean, the 'Barney Hug.' "

Louisa began to smile in spite of herself. "Very well. It is a hug that you give someone when they're feeling sad and lonely and ... abandoned."

"Yes, I believe we would be the perfect candidates for that!" he nodded solemnly and moved nearer in order to put his arms around her. "Like this?" He held her closely in an affectionate embrace for a few minutes, and then added, "Do you know, I believe this 'Barney Hug' is most efficacious, for I am already beginning to feel much better, Miss Louisa!" He pulled away to look into her eyes. "What about you?"

"We're not finished yet, Captain," she answered seriously and stepped back a pace, thereby disengaging herself from the hug. "Now we must sing the 'Barney Song.' It goes like this," and Louisa began to sing in a voice that was sweet and clear.

"I love you, you love me, we're a happy family, With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, Won't you say you love me, too."

Captain Benwick listened as one spellbound. "I--I rather like the 'Barney Song!'" he managed, once she had finished. "It is ... very nice!" This was not at all the sort of thing he expected a giant lizard to sing! And Louisa Musgrove had sung it so beautifully! He took a deep breath to compose his emotions and politely offered his arm to her. "Would you like to walk a little? I think they will not be missing our company." He indicated Anne and Captain Wentworth with a nod of his head. Frederick Wentworth had continued to hold Anne's hand; he was now in the process of bringing the tips of her fingers to his lips!

"I suppose I have been rather foolish, in thinking that he might prefer someone like me," Louisa confessed, as she took Captain Benwick's arm. She looked at him with a sad little smile. "He seemed so perfect! A handsome captain ... of the ... Nav--"

Louisa's words dwindled away as she continued to gaze at her companion. This man was also an officer of the Navy, with the title Captain, and he looked, why, he looked very well in the uniform! And he was such a kind-hearted and compassionate man ... and so attentive! He was rather like ... her own dear papa! Louisa's heart began to pound in a most alarming way!

"I wouldn't give up on looking for love, not altogether, Miss Louisa," Benwick said, and he patted her hand reassuringly. "Although it seems rather odd for me to be saying so, doesn't it? But Miss Elliot told me that I would rally again, and do you know, I am beginning to think that she is right!" He smiled at Louisa and found himself to be gazing into the most beautiful blue eyes he had ever seen. Why had he never noticed them before?

"Actually, Miss Louisa," he continued, speaking softly, "I find that the 'Barney Song' is quite ... romantic!" With his free hand he reached up and tucked a windblown lock of her hair back into her bonnet.

"It ... it is?" she stammered, looking into his eyes. They were a warm brown colour and sparkled in a most attractive way. Louisa gulped, unable to tear her gaze away from him.

"And ... now that I think on it, we have not carried out everything that the song instructed us to do."

"We ... haven't?" she breathed, forgetting all about Frederick Wentworth in newfound fascination for his friend.

" 'With a great big hug ... and a ... kiss ... from me to you' " he quoted, raising an eyebrow significantly.

" 'Won't you say ... you love me, too,' " she finished for him. They were standing quite close together now; his free arm moved to encircle her waist. She reached up and began to finger one of the buttons on the lapel of his uniform.

"I ... love you, too," Captain Benwick whispered, as he brought his face close to hers, going one better than Frederick Wentworth by bringing his lips to hers in a gentle kiss.

"And a kiss from me to you, too!" Louisa cried, and threw her arms around his neck! The second kiss was of much longer duration, for Captain Benwick was a man of great thoroughness and attention to detail in all matters! He was, in spite of his soft manner, a very zealous officer!

"Good Night! Would you look at that?!" Frederick Wentworth broke off his conversation with Anne Elliot to point to his friend, who was locked in a passionate embrace with Louisa Musgrove. "Benwick! You ..." He shook his head in amazement. "Do you know, Anne, that poor fellow is such a romantical idiot! All he needs is the least bit of encouragement, which he never gets (with the exception of Fanny), and look at him! Dead gone!"

"Is that such a bad thing?" Anne's eyes twinkled as she looked at her handsome companion. "To follow the leading of one's heart, in love?"

"No, I suppose not! But Benwick's in the soup!" he replied, barely able to contain his glee at such a fortuitous turn of events. "He's certainly obligated himself to Louisa Musgrove! He can't escape the noose now!"

"But what is she to do with two 'obligated' gentlemen?" Anne asked, with a smile.

"One of them must withdraw, certainly!" Frederick grinned. "And it does not look as if Benwick will be the one who does! Ah well! It appears that he is hers in honour if she wishes it! Poor sap."

"I do not think Captain Benwick shares your poor opinion of the situation, Frederick! Nor Louisa Musgrove! It seems she does indeed wish it!"

"Aye, it most certainly does!" he agreed. "And after all," he said, turning to look deeply into Anne's soft brown eyes, "can it be such a bad thing for a man to obligate himself in honour to the woman he lov..." But Frederick never finished his sentence, having decided instead to follow Captain Benwick's most excellent example!

"Would you look at that!" Benwick exclaimed, as he and Louisa came up for air. "Wentworth! And Miss Elliot!" He smiled adoringly at Louisa, and then glanced over his shoulder at his friend once again. "Do you know, Louisa, that poor fellow is absolutely panicked if a woman shows an iota of interest in him. Which they all do! And off he runs! But with Miss Elliot, who has betrayed not the smallest sign of preference or even friendship toward him, he is ... !"

Captain Benwick shook his head in wonder. "Well! He has certainly obligated himself to her by this! Get ready for the leg-shackle, old boy! But I think you'll find it to be ... rather wonderful!" He reached up to tenderly caress Louisa's cheek with his fingertips. "To quote a phrase," he murmured, " 'If this is torture, chain me to the wall!' "

Louisa began to giggle. "But it was a dog who said that, James! That funny little chihuahua! And while he was ... smoking a cigar!"

"Now how would you know about that?" he laughed. "I thought you said you didn't have a television!"

"Now, James, I do occasionally go to the theatre!"

"To see a Disney animated feature, to be sure! A take-off on Oliver Twist ... which hasn't been written yet, dearest? Oh, of course! Silly me!" he replied, and kissed her again, as a gust of wind swept around them. "It is rather breezy up here, Louisa," he said at last. "Suppose we move down to the lower level of the Cobb where we will be more comfortable?"

"I seem to remember seeing some stairs just over there," she offered helpfully.

"Oh no. Not those. They are quite treacherous, although they do not look it! We who live here never use them if we can help it! But we are seldom asked for our opinion ..." he said, as he cast a final look at his friend and Miss Elliot. "There was a book written about that, you know. A young woman had a tragic fall from those very steps! But it turned out rather well in the end. She married a very fine fellow and they lived happily ever after!" Benwick smiled affectionately at Louisa. "That is one of my favorite books," he continued. "Odd thing, though. That fellow I mentioned, the one who married the girl ... he never says a single thing, not even once!"

"Perhaps he is rather shy," Louisa suggested. "My papa is like that."

"He is until he is with his particular friends ... and most especially with the woman he loves," Benwick grinned. "Then it becomes difficult to shut him up!"

And high-spirited, joyous-talking Louisa could only laugh in agreement as she took his arm. She was liking James better and better, in addition to being in love with him! "But we will be heading for home in a very short time ... and I do not want to leave you!"

"Nor I, you. Mmmm. I'll have to think about that one." Benwick lapsed into deep thought as they walked along. Soon they had wound their way down to the lower level of the Cobb. They came to a stop when they reached the foot of the narrow stone steps.

"Do you know, in that book, the girl who fell from those stairs ..." said he, looking up at them, "... she was quite badly hurt and had to stay in Lyme for several months."

"Several months!" Louisa exclaimed. "What a pity we did not use them! I could have fallen, and then--!" Her eyes began to dance. "But James, I could pretend to fall!" She smiled mischievously. "And, of course, I could manage to be only a little injured ..."

"No, no, dearheart!" Captain Benwick chuckled. He put his arms around her and kissed her fondly. "We cannot prevaricate like that! Think of the worry we would cause your family! However ..."

"Well, I won't believe it until I see it my-self!" came a shrill voice from the upper level of the Cobb. "Of all the foolish, harebrained things I have ever heard ..."

"Oh no," Louisa groaned, and leant her head against Captain Benwick's shoulder. "It's Mary."

"Just a minute! There they are!" the voice said to someone else. "No indeed! I will not be quiet! Woo-hoo! Loo-eee-sa!" Mary Musgrove's form appeared at the edge of the upper level of the Cobb. She waved to her sister-in-law and began to descend the narrow stairway.

"Oh, Mrs Musgrove!" Benwick called out in alarm. "Have a care!"

"Mary!" Charles came up from behind her. "Let me go first!"

But Mary was not about to be deterred from her objective. She pushed her husband aside and began to spout out what she had been storing up to say to Louisa. "Now my dear sister! You have it all wrong!"

Mary felt her way to the top step, grumbling as she came. "You are supposed to marry Captain Wentworth!" She took another step down, very carefully, for there was no handrail. "If this man wants a wife, which I don't see why he would--for he has had his chance, hasn't he?--then he should try for Henrietta. Anyone would be better than Charles Hayter, although ..."

Mary paused for a moment, in order to look Benwick over. "No, I do believe he is better looking than your ill-bred cousin, although not by much!" She continued her descent, continuing to mutter disparaging comments. "And besides that, he is rather shor--"

A scream pierced the air as Mary's foot slipped from the stone stair. She fell onto the Cobb below! There she lay, in a crumpled heap.

For a moment, everyone was too stunned to move ... or even to think of what should be done, for there was no Anne Elliot present to direct them! Then, from his position at the top of the stair, Charles called out. "Louisa! Have a look at Mary, there! Tell me how she gets on! You know how she will always be fancying herself ill!"

"I Am Not Well, Charles!" came the answer from the Sufferer Herself. She made no move to rise, but continued to speak in a loud whine. "I do believe if you were to see me dying, you would not think there was anything the matter with me! Louisa," she wailed, "I wish you might persuade him that I really am very ill-- a great deal worse than I ever own!"

But Louisa would do nothing of the sort; indeed, she had not heard anything that Mary had said. For when Mary had fallen from the stair, she had landed directly upon poor Captain Benwick! He had broken her fall!

"James! James!" Louisa shrieked. "Are you killed?" She began pushing roughly at Mary. "Get up, you lump! You're crushing him!" After shoving Mary aside, she tenderly stroked his hair with a trembling hand and spoke to him through tears. "James! My darling! Speak to me!"

"I ... am not ... killed, my dear," came the answer. "Not ... quite." A bruised and battered James Benwick grimly picked himself up from the pavement. He was very much alive, although a little worse for wear. He eyed Mary Musgrove, who was sitting on the Cobb fussing over a small tear in her gown. He remembered seeing this woman stuff herself with chocolate mousse at dinner the night before; now he resented every mouthful she had eaten! Benwick put his arms around Louisa, to comfort her. "I have taken many spills in naval career," he reflected, with a shake of his head, "but none to equal this!"

And there was nothing to equal the sincere thanks and good-hearted concern of the members of the Musgrove family. Charles insisted on bringing Captain Benwick with them to Uppercross so that he could be properly nursed back to health. And although Benwick questioned the logic behind carting a wounded man three hours in a lurching carriage to be 'nursed,' he wisely refrained from saying so. As it was, he was placed in a most excellent situation, smack between Mary Musgrove and his darling Louisa. And if Benwick was forced to make more room for Louisa by kindly putting his arm around her shoulders, no one said anything about it.

Mary Musgrove had plenty to say, of course, but nothing more about the shortcomings of James Benwick. He had risen in her eyes to eclipse all other suitors for Louisa's hand, as he had shown by his heroic actions that he knew the place and importance of an Elliot! And Mary did not repine about Louisa's loss of Captain Wentworth either, for she had very cleverly put Henrietta into the gig for the trip home -- insisting that Henrietta seat herself between the Captain and Anne. But What Happened In The Gig is another tale ...

Louisa Musgrove and James Benwick were married as soon as they could be, but not sooner than Frederick Wentworth and Anne Elliot! And Anne once more took up residence in Kellynch Hall, thus avoiding a much-dreaded move to Bath. And they all lived happily ever after ... well, except Mary. But for that story you will have to continue reading Love Suffers Long And Is Kind ...

'Barney' is a character from an American television show (of the same name) for very young children. 'Barney' is a trademark of The Lyons Group.

Quotation is from Disney's Oliver and Company

Comic Short Stories Index
Susan Kaye
Laura Hile
Love Suffers Long and is Kind